Wives and Husbands
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord, 23 for the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of the body. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so wives are to submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word. 27 He did this to present the church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or anything like that, but holy and blameless. 28 In the same way, husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hates his own flesh but provides and cares for it, just as Christ does for the church, 30 since we are members of His body.
31 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife,and the two will become one flesh.32 This mystery is profound, but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 To sum up, each one of you is to love his wife as himself, and the wife is to respect her husband.
Commentary from the “My Study Bible” commentary notes:
5:19-21 The Spirit’s fullness is demonstrated in spiritual understanding, praise, and thanksgiving that are constant and comprehensive. The church that is filled with the Spirit will be characterized by praise and thanksgiving to God. Beyond that there will be evidence of self-control, mutual encouragement, and mutual submission, which is the opposite of rudeness, haughtiness, and self-assertion.
5:21 This verse serves as a hinge to connect what is prior with what follows. Grammatically, the participial phrase (lit “submitting yourselves”) goes with verses 18-20. The content of verses 22-33, however, depends on the principle of submission in verse 21.
5:22 Wives submit directs wives to be submissive to their own (Gk idios; “one’s own”) husbands (cp. Col 3:18-4:1). The distinctive feature here is that the relationship between husband and wife is compared with that between Christ and the church. No verb is in the original language of verse 22. The imperative “submit” is understood from verse 21.
5:22-24 Paul addressed wives first. They were to be voluntarily submissive to their husbands. No external coercion should be involved, nor should submission imply that the wife is a lesser partner in the marital union. The submission is governed by the phrase as to the Lord. Christian wives’ submission to their husbands is one aspect of their obedience to Christ. Submission is a person’s yielding his or her own rights and losing self for another. Submission is patterned after Christ’s example (Php 2:5-8) and reflects the essence of the gospel. Submission distinguishes the lifestyle of all Christians.
5:25 Paul turned to the duties of husbands. The society in which Paul wrote recognized the duties of wives to husbands but not necessarily of husbands to wives. As in Col 3:19, Paul exhorted husbands to love their wives, but Ephesians presents Christ’s self-sacrificing love for the church as the pattern for the husband’s love for his wife.
Husbands are to love their wives continually as Christ loves the church. The tense of the Greek word translated “love” indicates a love that continues. Love is more than family affection or sexual passion. Rather it is a deliberate attitude leading to action that concerns itself with another’s well-being. A husband should love his wife: (1) as Christ loved the church (vv. 25-27); (2) as his own body (vv. 28-30); and (3) with a love transcending all other human relationships (vv. 31-33).
5:26-27 Cleansing her with the washing of water: Paul explains more fully the result of Christ’s atonement for the church: it makes the church holy and pure. The purpose of Christ’s giving himself up for the church is the church’s sanctification and cleansing.
5:28 Since husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church, they give up their personal rights for the good of their wives. It is a solemn picture of covenant love.
5:29-30 On first sight, Paul seems to have descended from the lofty standard of Christ’s love to the low standard of self-love when he says no one ever hates his own flesh, but he reminded Christian couples of their oneness, their “one-flesh” relationship. For this reason a husband’s obligation to cherish his wife as he does his own body is more than a helpful guide. His sacrificial love is an expression of the sacred marital union. True love is evidenced when husbands and wives have this spiritual, emotional, and physical oneness.
5:31-32 Paul appealed to Gen 2:24, which is God’s initial statement in the Scriptures regarding marriage. The marriage commitment takes precedence over every other human relationship.
5:31 One flesh means closely joined. It hallows the biblical standard of covenantal heterosexual marital relations and excludes polygamy and adultery. What is primarily a divine ordinance graciously and lovingly is designed for mutual satisfaction and delight.
5:33 Love… respect concludes and restates this section’s theme. The husband’s ultimate responsibility is to love his wife with a Christ like love.
I Peter 3:1-7
Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—4but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit,which in God’s sight is very precious. 5For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands,6as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.
7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way,showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
Gospel Centered Marriage – Tim Chester
If you’re married, then your marriage is to be a partnership of service. That doesn’t mean you always serve together. But it does mean you support one another in your service of God.

Introverted marriages eventually shrivel—they become small marriages with small horizons. Your family is part of a bigger family of faith that demands your primary allegiance (Mark 3 v 31-35). It’s great to spend time alone together, but recognize that you can bond just as well through serving together. So hold time alone lightly because serving Christ is the focus of your marriage.

Principle : Your marriage is to demonstrate that it’s good to live under God’s reign.

the rule of God doesn’t sound much like good news in our culture. We don’t want someone else ruling over us. So how can the rule of God be good news? It’s a lie as old as humankind. It was the lie back in the Garden of Eden, when the serpent portrayed God as a tyrant holding Adam and Eve back. The serpent portrayed God’s rule as oppressive and manipulative. But in reality, God’s rule is a rule of blessing, freedom, love, life, justice and peace. It’s good news. It’s gospel.

Because we have rejected God’s rule, we not only get God wrong, we get authority wrong. We take over. And we rule—not like God, but like Satan’s lie about God. We rule in a way that is self-serving and tyrannical. No wonder women resist that. When humanity rejected God’s authority, it radically altered the way marriages work. After our rebellion, God said to the first wife: “You will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you” —or “dominate” you (Genesis 3 v 16, NLT). The wife resists authority. The husband abuses authority

In Ephesians 5 Paul says marriage was designed to illustrate God’s relationship with His people.

The Bible says: “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord … Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church” (Ephesians 5 v 22, 25). Submission and love are very close. Both mutual love and mutual submission are commended within the wider body of Christ (5 v 2, 21). Clearly also, the wife is to love her husband and there is a sense in which it’s appropriate for a husband to submit to his wife as one believer to another.

What’s the difference? But submission and love also have their differences, since in Ephesians 5 the relationship between husband and wife is compared to the relationship between Christ and the church. My relationship to Christ is not a mirror of His relationship with me. Christ does not submit to me! Men and women are equal. But equality does not rule out having complementary roles or “headship”—one person being in charge. The place we see this clearly is in the doctrine of the Trinity. The persons of the Trinity are equal in terms of their being (their “God-ness” if you like). But the Son joyfully submits to the Father: He puts the will of the Father before His own (John 5 v 19; 8 v 28 etc.) This is the point Paul makes in 1 Corinthians 11 v 3. “Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.” Or consider how we submit to political authorities or employers (1 Peter 2). We don’t think it makes us less equal or less significant as people. But we do recognize different roles and different authority. So what do submission and love mean in practice? The wife puts her husband’s will before her own. The husband puts his wife’s interests before his own. This captures the similarities in their respective attitudes. But it also captures the differences. It gives the husband a lead role, but a lead role defined by the cross—one which seeks the good of the other rather than self-interest.

The big issue here is what it means to exercise authority. Our problem is that we understand authority in the image of Satan’s lie as tyrannical, rather than in the image of God’s rule, which is liberating. Men believe the lie when they abuse authority; women believe the lie when they reject headship. Men abuse authority because they’re self-interested; wives reject submission because they are self-willed.
When I look at Christian wives, I should see what it means to submit to Christ’s authority—not begrudgingly, not with whining, but joyfully and freely. And when I look at Christian men I should see what it means to exercise authority—not in a way that is self-serving, but loving and sacrificial. That’s a high standard—for both sexes! And we might look at this ideal and think: “There’s no way I can live up to that!”

Notice what submission does not mean: Submission does not mean agreeing with everything your husband says, for the wife of 1 Peter 3 believes Jesus is Lord whereas her husband does not. Submission does not mean never trying to change your husband, for the wife of 1 Peter 3 is trying to convert him through her godly life. Submission does not mean a wife gets her spiritual strength from her husband, for the wife of 1 Peter 3 cannot gain spiritual strength from her husband. Submission does not mean acting out of fear, for the wife of 1 Peter 3 is told “do what is right without fear of what your husbands might do” (3 v 6, NLT).

What then is submission? Paul says: “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything” (Ephesians 5 v 22-24). Your husband’s will before your will.

But with marriage that changes. God is saying, in effect: “Wives, submit to your husbands instead of just submitting to yourselves.” You have to think about your husband now. You’re not free to do as you wish. This means respecting his God-given authority over you. That’s how Paul sums it up: “The wife must respect her husband” (Ephesians 5 v 33). You’re to submit to your husband in a way that illustrates what it means to submit to Christ. That’s the model for our submission. That means submitting without whining and without manipulating.

Some people stress that the two commands are reciprocal or conditional on one another. So the wife is only bound to submit if the husband is exercising his authority with the sacrificial love that Christ models. Others stress submission “in everything” (v 24), saying that wives should submit even if their husband is abusive. Neither view really captures what the Bible actually says, which is that you must submit even when your husband is not perfect. The alternative is a cycle of recrimination in which the wife gradually withdraws her submission and the husband gradually withdraws his love. The result is that the church’s glad submission to Christ is not modeled. What is being modeled is the very worst kind of church—where love for Christ is cold. But neither is submission weak and passive. It should be robust and reinforced with gospel conviction. We should challenge one another, speaking the truth in love (4 v 15). But we don’t do this for our own sake. We do this for the sake of Christ and His glory, and for the sake of our spouses and their holiness.

Wives should put their husband’s will before their own, but that doesn’t mean they should put his will first—first place always belongs to Jesus. Both husband and wife have a higher allegiance and a higher purpose: to submit to Christ and to seek His glory.

There is one important difference between submitting to a husband and submitting to Christ: your husband is not God. He will make mistakes. He will make bad judgments. And sometimes you will need to challenge him because your top allegiance is to the Lord. You’re to speak the truth in love to him (Ephesians 4 v 15). So the wife puts her husband’s will before her own—but not before Christ’s will.